| | | | | other difficulties. Utilize these resources such as |
| My father passed away before my 19th Birthday and | | | | prayer, music, meditation or worship to comfort |
| I miss him dearly. I had just received my college | | | | yourself and draw strength to help you move on. |
| admission letter, and we were in the middle of | | | | Join a prayer group or other religious support groups |
| celebrations and preparations to get me the money | | | | that can help you strengthen your faith and get |
| and other resources I needed to report to campus. | | | | inspired. |
| So my Dad's death after a brief spontaneous illness | | | | It is also possible and even normal to find yourself |
| was sudden and unexpected. The pain, heartbreak | | | | questioning your faith when you lose a loved one. It |
| and sadness I endured cannot be described in writing. | | | | could make you angry and question God for allowing |
| Memories of him taking his last breath run through | | | | this to happen to you. But once you join these |
| my mental screen every time I think of his death. I | | | | church support groups and talk openly about these |
| can still remember responding, "No, he's not" with | | | | feelings, the clergy and other members can comfort |
| tears draining down my cheeks when the doctor | | | | you, pray with you and help you work through these |
| declared him dead. And I remember trying to prevent | | | | challenges successfully. |
| the nurse from pulling the shroud up to cover his | | | | If you are a Christian, believing in the resurrection of |
| head, as if I had any evidence that he was still alive; | | | | the dead and understanding the possibility of reuniting |
| and I had to be forced to leave his bedside before | | | | with your loved one someday, can also help you |
| they could transport his corpse to the mortuary. All | | | | cope better with your loss. Develop a faith-based |
| these memories run back vividly to me whenever I | | | | attitude towards the death of your loved one as an |
| invite them, and the accompanying pain and sadness | | | | act of a loving God who needed them in Heaven |
| is always as depressing. | | | | more than you needed them here. Let it be your |
| But my family and I were able to cope with this loss | | | | consolation that your loved one is resting peacefully |
| and move on with our lives. The strategies that | | | | in the bosom of Christ and watching over you from |
| helped us cope with this loss are the subject of this | | | | above. |
| article. So what are these strategies? | | | | |
| | | | | |
| 1. Accept the Reality of your Loved One's Death and | | | | 4. Seek Professional Counseling |
| Allow yourself to Mourn | | | | If you feel overburdened by your grief and begin to |
| There is always a feeling of shock and disbelief or | | | | feel depressed and suicidal in spite of all the support |
| denial associated with the death of a loved one, | | | | from family and friends, you need to contact a |
| especially when it occurs suddenly and unexpectedly. | | | | professional grief counselor. The services of such an |
| It is hard to accept and believe that this person you | | | | experienced professional can help you deal with your |
| were talking to and laughing with or just looking at a | | | | situation successfully. Don't hesitate when you feel |
| few minutes, hours, days, weeks, months or even | | | | like you need these professional interventions, |
| years ago is no more. Trying to believe and accept it | | | | because there is nothing wrong with it. |
| makes you angry and makes you feel like your | | | | 5. Count your Blessings, Avoid Focusing on your Loss, |
| whole world is crushing in on you. It is much easier to | | | | and Choose Positive Thoughts |
| just pretend like it is not true, they are still alive; and | | | | The death of a loved one is a deep loss which is |
| just hope that somehow they will actually respond to | | | | very painful and difficult to cope with. It is, therefore, |
| you. | | | | ok to grieve and be angry, and express your pain in |
| But the hard truth is, that son, father, mother, | | | | any way possible. But it also helps to celebrate the |
| brother, sister, wife, spouse, uncle, aunt, cousin, | | | | life and legacy of your loved one. Celebrate the good |
| nephew, niece, grandparent or friend is indeed gone | | | | times you had with them when they were alive. |
| for good. You can't bring them back to life. You are | | | | Celebrate their accomplishments, and try to continue |
| never again going to physically see, touch, talk to, | | | | any cause or unfinished business that was important |
| hug, or kiss them. That certainly is difficult to accept | | | | to them. Take care of the other people they loved |
| or believe. But it is a situation we have no control | | | | and cared about. Create a charity in their memory or |
| over. It is one of the mysteries of life. We all know | | | | any other memorial you deem fit for them. These will |
| about the inevitability of death, though that doesn't | | | | keep you engaged in a productive cause in honor of |
| make it any less painful when it takes away a loved | | | | your loved one, and also leave you with less time to |
| one. So, difficult as it may be, you have to | | | | focus on the loss, thereby helping you move on. |
| understand, believe and accept the reality of your | | | | Also try to choose positive thoughts instead of |
| loss. Mourn your loved one – cry, weep, scream, | | | | focusing on your loss. Train yourself to appreciate all |
| be quiet - express your pain and grief in any safe | | | | the other loved ones you still have in your life. Begin |
| way possible, because that helps in the coping | | | | to concentrate on all the blessings you have in your |
| process. You may even lose appetite and skip a few | | | | life such as your health, your educational |
| meals, and find it difficult to fall asleep. You may also | | | | accomplishments, your career, your family, and all the |
| experience a feeling of anger, fear and loneliness. It is | | | | wealth you have acquired. This will give you |
| all a normal part of the mourning process and it is ok. | | | | something to be grateful for and celebrate, instead |
| Be patient with yourself and allow yourself to grieve | | | | of spending the rest of your life grieving. |
| for as long as you need to while leaning on your faith | | | | 6. Pursue your Dreams and Engage in Fun and |
| and other people's encouragement and consolation to | | | | Uplifting Activities that Give you Comfort |
| stabilize your emotions and normalize your life again. | | | | Our loved ones who have passed away no doubt |
| Hold a befitting funeral for your loved one and try to | | | | watch over us with pride every time we find the |
| console yourself with the presence and support of | | | | strength and inspiration to excel at anything we do in |
| other mourning family members and friends. | | | | the midst of our grief. If you believe this, then one |
| | | | | way of coping with your loss is to pursue your |
| 2. Stay Close to People you Love and People who | | | | dreams to make your deceased loved ones proud. |
| Care about you | | | | For example, at the 2010 Winter Olympics in |
| Don't try to act strong by trying to put up a brave | | | | Vancouver, I was very proud of Joannie Rochette, |
| face, avoiding people who try to console you, and | | | | who still found the strength and inspiration to |
| continuing with your day-to-day activities as if nothing | | | | compete shortly after her mom's death; and I know |
| has happened. Trying to ignore or suppress your pain | | | | she competed and won the Olympic Bronze Medal in |
| and grief now will only make it worse in the long run. | | | | figure skating to make her mom proud and also as a |
| This is the time to show your vulnerability and allow | | | | way of coping with her grief, because she was |
| yourself to naturally express your grief and loneliness | | | | engaging in something that was also fun and uplifting |
| and your need for other people's support. Embrace | | | | for her. |
| the assistance offered by friends and family | | | | Engaging in fun and uplifting activities brings comfort |
| members and lean on their care and support. Express | | | | and helps you cope with your loss. This could be as |
| your feelings freely to them and let them know what | | | | simple as listening to uplifting music, or playing card, |
| you need so they can help you better. This is the | | | | board or computer games, or watching movies, or |
| time you may need people to cook for you, and just | | | | engaging in sporting activities. These can help take |
| stay close to you to provide you with a shoulder to | | | | your mind off your loss, and help you cope better. |
| cry on and just listen to you. | | | | 7. Count on Time to Complete your Healing Process |
| For example, when my father died, one of my major | | | | The first few weeks, months and years following the |
| fears and worries was the risk of not being able to | | | | death of a loved one is usually the most difficult |
| pursue my college education for financial reasons, | | | | period to cope with the loss. But as time goes by, |
| because he was the breadwinner of my family. This | | | | and you begin to readjust your life to living without |
| made me the more sad and scared about facing the | | | | them, spending the holidays without them and |
| rest of my life without my Dad. I was also angry at | | | | remembering them on their anniversaries, you begin |
| my Dad for abandoning me this way knowing very | | | | to accept your loss more wholly and move on |
| well I had just been offered admission to college. | | | | normally with your life. |
| Thinking of all these made me very depressed. But | | | | There is no estimated time for completing the healing |
| by discussing these feelings with my uncle and other | | | | process, but although the memories will always be |
| loved ones, my uncle offered to help me finance my | | | | there, the pain of the loss subsides over time. This |
| college education, which he did, and for which I am | | | | happens naturally, and the duration differs for |
| forever grateful. | | | | different individuals. So don't be impatient with |
| So the time of your loss is not the time to cut | | | | yourself if yours takes longer. Time will complete |
| everybody off and lock yourself up in your room and | | | | your healing process. |
| grief alone. It is rather the time to open up to others | | | | However, if after a reasonable length of time, you |
| who care about you and share with them your | | | | still don't seem to be able to move on, and continue |
| feelings and needs. | | | | to feel depressed about your loss, you should consult |
| 3. Lean on your Faith for Comfort | | | | a professional counselor for the appropriate |
| Every religion has its own traditions and practices for | | | | therapeutic intervention. Good Luck, and may God |
| emotional healing during times of loss, failure, and | | | | give you the strength to cope with your loss! |