| Should we protect our children from experiencing | | | | valuable lessons to be gained from failure. |
| failure? Should we work to ensure that they succeed | | | | We must also recognize that we cannot control the |
| at any endeavor? This issue is becoming more | | | | actions and attitudes of other people. Parents often |
| relevant as the competition for enrollment in good | | | | are attempting get their children to take care of their |
| schools and high paying jobs have created pressure | | | | responsibilities by pushing and assisting, but this can |
| on parents and subsequently children to be successful | | | | lead to a situation in which the only motivation is |
| all the time, to avoid failure at almost any cost. Talk | | | | coming from mom or dad and not from the child. The |
| to any high school guidance counselor or judicial | | | | older the child becomes the more dangerous this |
| officer at a major university and you will quickly | | | | situation becomes. When our children become adults |
| discover the lengths individuals and their parents will | | | | the cost of failure becomes far more significant than |
| go to in order to advert the potential of failure. | | | | when they are children. You can conclude that it |
| Of course we have seen the more ridiculous | | | | would have been far better to fail as a child and deal |
| attempts to spare children the ego damaging | | | | with the consequences than to have to recover |
| experience of failure, including not keeping score at | | | | from significant failure as an adult where recovery is |
| sporting events and not assigning grades for school. | | | | far more difficult. |
| What we fail to often see is the more insidious | | | | Does this mean that we should not help our children |
| efforts to advert failure made by parents. This is | | | | when they are struggling with something? Of course |
| almost always attached to activities that are in some | | | | not, but what we must attempt to do is recognize |
| way attached to the child's future prospects of | | | | that at times it will be important simply to allow our |
| getting into a good college or positioning them for a | | | | children to fail at something in order to grow |
| good job. The amount of effort that will go into | | | | accustomed to failure. Don't let your child win at a |
| getting extra coaching, talking to and cajoling coaches | | | | game every time, this is just not realistic. Allow them |
| and staff, talking to administrators in order to make | | | | to win enough to be encouraged and want to try, |
| sure their child is not removed from a team or is | | | | but not every time. Should you allow your child to fail |
| accepted to a team. The hours spent pushing a child | | | | at something more important, such as a sports team, |
| to do homework or to study or even worse the | | | | music or even school? Answer the following |
| amount of energy and effort a parent puts into the | | | | questions? |
| actual work itself is evidence of the mounting | | | | 1. Have you provided all the support available to you |
| pressure parents feel to make sure that their child | | | | and your child? |
| does not fail. The consequences of failure seem too | | | | 2. Have you made sure that their ability has been |
| great to overcome, hence the intense effort to | | | | fully assessed and that any necessary |
| avoid that failure. | | | | accommodations are being provided (for physical or |
| But is this effort to avoid failure always helpful, is it | | | | learning disabilities)? |
| always in the best interest of the child that we | | | | 3. Has the appropriate structure and discipline been |
| insulate them from this type of experience? I believe | | | | applied? |
| that the resounding answer is NO! Why, you may | | | | 4. Is the problem more motivational than any other |
| ask, if it is my power to keep my child from failing | | | | issue? |
| should I allow them to suffer the pain or difficulty of | | | | If the answer to these questions is yes each time, |
| failure? Because there is much to be learned and | | | | then it may be advisable that you allow your child to |
| gained from failing. This is a wonder built in teacher | | | | fail, but only you can decide. The point of this article |
| that nature provides to us all and we can use it or | | | | is to demonstrate that not only is failure OK, it can |
| try to avoid it Much of how life works is discovered | | | | even be helpful in dealing with preparing our children |
| by experiencing failure, including school, work and | | | | for their futures. As Mickey Rooney said, "you |
| relationships. Much could be written concerning the | | | | always pass failure on the way to success. |