How to Choose a College - Did You Choose the Wrong One?

Got an email from "Online University" with theWrangler jeans.2 - The people. Ideally, you want hot
Subject: "Get a degree in as little as a few months."chicks and guys who won't date rape you. And for
Wow, with a name like Online University, it must beyou girls, you're going to hate the women no matter
good.I often eat at places called "Restaurant" and Iwhat campus you go to, so this doesn't matter. Just
shop at places called "Store" so why not go to anpick a place where the guys won't date rape you or
online university called "Online University."Whenyour boyfriend.3 - The location. If everything else is
potential employers see my resume they will pick me!equal, go to a warm location, you moron. Why spend
Harvard, Yale, Online University!"Wow! He got hisyears freezing your ass off going to class when you
degree online! To the top of the pile!"Much bettercan be warm? When you visit the campus, imagine
than Through-the-Mail University orit's February and you've passed out outdoors. When
I-saw-it-on-TV-at-3-in-the-morning-University. I wantyou wake up, is your face frostbitten and covered in
to go to Online University because the girls are hot.snow? Or is your face warm from that beautiful
Especially the girls from Omnicron Sigma (Onlineyellow pee your buddies tinkled on you? If it's both,
Sorority.) They have their own webcam andthen consider a new school.Online University. Gimme a
everything!At Online University, I get personalf*cking break.Here's the commercial for Online
attention with a 17 to 1 student to faculty ratio inUniversity:Slacker dude with long hair and a
the chat rooms.And the lounges are cool becauseskateboard and bloodshot eyes: "Yeah, so I got a
they have online billiards and online ping pong where Imy undergrad at Online University. And with that
can make online friends and maybe meet on onlineunder my belt, I have Law Schools knocking down
girl to have online cyber sex.Choose a college basedmy door! Thanks to Online University, I have so
on these 3 things:1 - The name. Go to the mostmany choices! I can't decide! Should I go to Law
highly regarded school you can. It's like wearing PradaSchool at Ham Radio University... or Text Message
or Nike Air Jordans. "Online University" is theCollege?"Stooooooooooooooopid.
equivalent of Rustler jeans. It's bootleg. It's not even