| Got an email from "Online University" with the | | | | Wrangler jeans.2 - The people. Ideally, you want hot |
| Subject: "Get a degree in as little as a few months." | | | | chicks and guys who won't date rape you. And for |
| Wow, with a name like Online University, it must be | | | | you girls, you're going to hate the women no matter |
| good.I often eat at places called "Restaurant" and I | | | | what campus you go to, so this doesn't matter. Just |
| shop at places called "Store" so why not go to an | | | | pick a place where the guys won't date rape you or |
| online university called "Online University."When | | | | your boyfriend.3 - The location. If everything else is |
| potential employers see my resume they will pick me! | | | | equal, go to a warm location, you moron. Why spend |
| Harvard, Yale, Online University!"Wow! He got his | | | | years freezing your ass off going to class when you |
| degree online! To the top of the pile!"Much better | | | | can be warm? When you visit the campus, imagine |
| than Through-the-Mail University or | | | | it's February and you've passed out outdoors. When |
| I-saw-it-on-TV-at-3-in-the-morning-University. I want | | | | you wake up, is your face frostbitten and covered in |
| to go to Online University because the girls are hot. | | | | snow? Or is your face warm from that beautiful |
| Especially the girls from Omnicron Sigma (Online | | | | yellow pee your buddies tinkled on you? If it's both, |
| Sorority.) They have their own webcam and | | | | then consider a new school.Online University. Gimme a |
| everything!At Online University, I get personal | | | | f*cking break.Here's the commercial for Online |
| attention with a 17 to 1 student to faculty ratio in | | | | University:Slacker dude with long hair and a |
| the chat rooms.And the lounges are cool because | | | | skateboard and bloodshot eyes: "Yeah, so I got a |
| they have online billiards and online ping pong where I | | | | my undergrad at Online University. And with that |
| can make online friends and maybe meet on online | | | | under my belt, I have Law Schools knocking down |
| girl to have online cyber sex.Choose a college based | | | | my door! Thanks to Online University, I have so |
| on these 3 things:1 - The name. Go to the most | | | | many choices! I can't decide! Should I go to Law |
| highly regarded school you can. It's like wearing Prada | | | | School at Ham Radio University... or Text Message |
| or Nike Air Jordans. "Online University" is the | | | | College?"Stooooooooooooooopid. |
| equivalent of Rustler jeans. It's bootleg. It's not even | | | | |