Write the best essay

Each year, Harvard rejects four out of fiveHave I used active-voice verbs wherever possible?
valedictorians and hundreds of students with perfectIs my sentence structure varied, or do I use all long
SAT scores, leaving applicants and parents wonderingor short sentences?
what went wrong. While there is no secret formulaAre there any cliches such as "cutting edge" or
for gaining admission to a top school, there are many"learned my lesson?"
ways to ensure rejection, and the most common byDo I use transitions appropriately?
far is taking the admissions essay lightly.What about the essay is memorable?
Over one-third of the time an admissions officerWhat's the worst part of the essay?
spends on your application is spent evaluating yourWhat parts of the essay need elaboration or are
essay. Admissions officers use the essay to compareunclear?
hundreds or even thousands of applicants with similarWhat parts of the essay do not support my main
grades, activities, and SAT scores. To stand out,argument?
your essay must not only demonstrate your grasp ofIs every single sentence crucial to the essay? This
grammar and ability to write lucid, structured prose,must be the case.
you must also paint a vivid picture of your personalityWhat does the essay reveal about my personality?
and character, one that compels a busy admissions9. Do Answer the Question.
officer to accept you.Many students try to turn a 500-word essay into a
Fortunately, unlike every other aspect of thecomplete autobiography. Not surprisingly, they fail to
application, you control your essay, and can be sureanswer the question and risk their chances of
that the glimpse you give the admissions committeeattending college. Make sure that every sentence in
into your character, background, and writing ability isyour essay exists solely to answer the question.
the most positive one possible.10. Do Revise, Revise, Revise.
As the founder of EssayEdge.com, the Net's largestThe first step in an improving any essay is to cut,
admissions essay prep company, I have seencut, and cut some more. EssayEdge.com's free
firsthand the difference a well-written applicationadmissions essay help course and Harvard-educated
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essay help course and 300 Harvard-educated editors,perfection. The EssayEdge.com free help course
EssayEdge.com helps tens of thousands of studentguides you through the entire essay-writing process,
each year improve their essays and gain admission tofrom brainstorming worksheets and question-specific
schools ranging from Harvard to State U.strategies for the twelve most common essay topics
Having personally edited over 2,000 admissionsto a description of ten introduction types and editing
essays myself for EssayEdge.com, I have writtenchecklists.
this article to help you avoid the most commonSAMPLE ESSAY
essay flaws. If you remember nothing else about thisThe sun sleeps as the desolate city streets await the
article, remember this: Be Interesting. Be Concise.morning rush hour. Driven by an inexplicable
TOP 10 ESSAY WRITING TIPScompulsion, I enter the building along with ten other
1. Don't Thesaurusize Your Essay. Do Use Your Ownswimmers, inching my way toward the cold, dark
Voice.locker room of the Esplanada Park Pool. One by one,
Admissions officers can tell Roget from anwe slip into our still-damp drag suits and make a mad
18-year-old high school senior. Big words, especiallydash through the chill of the morning air, stopping
when misused, detract from the essay,only to grab pull-buoys and kickboards on our way to
inappropriately drawing the reader's attention andthe pool. Nighttime temperatures in coastal California
making the essay sound contrived.dip into the high forties, but our pool is artificially
Before: Although I did a plethora of activities in highwarmed to seventy-nine degrees; the temperature
school, my assiduous efforts enabled me to succeed.differential propels an eerie column of steam up from
After: Although I juggled many activities in highthe water's surface, producing the spooky ambience
school, I succeeded through persistent work.of a werewolf movie. Next comes the shock.
2. Don't Bore the Reader. Do Be Interesting.Headfirst immersion into the tepid water sends our
Admissions officers have to read hundreds ofhearts racing, and we respond with a quick set of
essays, and they must often skim. Abstractwarm-up laps. As we finish, our coach emerges from
rumination has no place in an application essay.the fog. He offers no friendly accolades, just a rigid
Admissions officers aren't looking for a new way toregimen of sets, intervals, and exhortations.
view the world; they're looking for a new way toThus starts another workout. 4,500 yards to go,
view you the applicant. The best way to grip yourthen a quick shower and a five-minute drive to
reader is to begin the essay with a captivatingschool. Then it's back to the pool; the afternoon
snapshot. Notice how the slightly jarring scenetraining schedule features an additional 5,500 yards.
depicted in the "after" creates intrigue and keeps theTomorrow, we start over again. The objective is to
reader's interest.cut our times by another tenth of a second. The end
Before: The college admissions and selection processgoal is to achieve that tiny, unexplainable difference
is a very important one, perhaps one that will haveat the end of a race that separates success from
the greatest impact on one's future. The college thatfailure, greatness from mediocrity. Somehow we
a person will go to often influences his personality,accept the pitch--otherwise, we'd still be deep in our
views, and career.mattresses, slumbering beneath our blankets. In this
After: An outside observer would have called thesport, the antagonist is time. Coaches spend hours in
scene ridiculous: a respectable physician holding thespecialized clinics, analyze the latest research on
bell of his stethoscope to the chest of a smalltraining technique, and experiment with workout
stuffed bear.schedules in an attempt to defeat time. Yet there
3. Do Use Personal Detail. Show, Don't Tell!are no shortcuts to winning, and workouts are
Good essays are concrete and grounded in personalagonizing.
detail. They do not merely assert "I learned myI took part in my first swimming race when I was
lesson" or that "these lessons are useful both on andten years old. My parents, fearing injury, directed my
off the field." They show it through personal detail.athletic interests away from ice hockey and into the
"Show don't tell," means if you want to relate apool. Three weeks into my new swimming endeavor,
personal quality, do so through your experiences andI somehow persuaded my coach to let me enter the
do not merely assert it.annual age group meet. To his surprise (and mine), I
Before: I developed a new compassion for thepulled out an "A" time. I furthered my achievements
disabled.by winning "Top 16" awards for various age groups,
After: The next time Mrs. Cooper asked me to helpsetting club records, and being named National First
her across the street, I smiled and immediately tookTeam All-American in the 100-Butterfly and Second
her arm.Team All-American in the 200-Medley. I have since
The first example is vague and could have beenbeen elevated to the Senior Championship level,
written by anybody. But the second sentencewhich means the competition now includes
evokes a vivid image of something that actuallyworld-class swimmers. I am aware that making finals
happened, placing the reader in the experience of thewill not be easy from here--at this level, success is
applicant.measured by mere tenths of a second. In addition,
4. Do Be Concise. Don't Be Wordy.each new level brings extra requirements such as
Wordiness not only takes up valuable space, but itelevated weight training, longer weekend training
also can confuse the important ideas you're trying tosessions, and more travel from home. Time with
convey. Short sentences are more forceful becausefriends is increasingly spent in the pursuit of the next
they are direct and to the point. Certain phrases suchswimming objective.
as "the fact that" are usually unnecessary. NoticeSometimes, in the solitude of the laps, my thoughts
how the revised version focuses on active verbstransition to events in my personal life. This year, my
rather than forms of "to be" and adverbs andgrandmother suffered a reoccurrence of cancer,
adjectives.which has spread to her lungs. She had always been
Before: My recognition of the fact that the projectdriven by good spirits and independence, but
was finally over was a deeply satisfying moment thatsuddenly my family had to accept the fact that she
will forever linger in my memory.now faces a limited timeline. A few weeks later, on
After: Completing the project at last gave me anthe other side of the Pacific Ocean, my
enduring sense of fulfillment.grandfather--who lives in Japan--learned he had
5. Don't Use Slang Yo'!stomach cancer. He has since undergone successful
Write an essay, not an email. Slang terms, cliches,surgery, but we are aware that a full recovery is not
contractions, and an excessively casual tone shouldguaranteed. When I first learned that they were both
be eliminated. Here's one example of inappropriatelystruck with cancer, I felt as if my own objective, to
colloquial language.cut my times by fractions of a second, seemed
Well here I am thinking about what makes me tick.irrelevant, even ironic, given the urgency of their
You would be surprised. What really gets my goat ismutual goals: to prolong life itself. Yet we have
when kids disrespect the flag. My father was in 'Namlearned to draw on each other's strengths for
and I know how important the military is to thissupport--their fortitude helps me overcome my
great nation.struggles while my swimming achievements provide
7. Do Use Active Voice Verbsthem with a vicarious sense of victory. When I share
Passive-voice expressions are verb phrases in whichmy latest award or triumph story, they smile with
the subject receives the action expressed in thepride, as if they themselves had stood on the award
verb. Passive voice employs a form of the word tostand. I have the impression that I would have to be
be, such as was or were. Overuse of the passivea grandparent to understand what my medals mean
voice makes prose seem flat and uninteresting.to them.
Before: The lessons that prepared me for collegeMy grandparents' strength has also shored up my
were taught to me by my mother.determination to succeed. I have learned that, as in
After: My mother taught me lessons that will prepareswimming, life's successes often come in small
me for college.increments. Sometimes even the act of showing up
8. Do Seek Multiple Opinions.at a workout when your body and psyche are worn
Ask your friends and family to keep these questionsout separates a great result from a failure. The
in mind:difference between success and failure is defined by
Have I answered the question?the ability to overcome strong internal resistance. I
Does my introduction engage the reader? Does myknow that, by consistently working towards my
conclusion provide closure?goals--however small they may seem--I can
Do my introduction and conclusion avoid summary?accomplish what I set for myself, both in and beyond
Do I use concrete experiences as supporting details?the swimming pool.